Although I've been running this blog for over a year and a half and talked about traditional engagements/weddings, I don't think I ever REALLY knew what was going to be entailed.
For those who don't know, I'm an American born Igbo girl who is engaged to marry a Nigerian born Yoruba guy. In the Yoruba tribe, the cultural commitment between the couple is called a traditional engagement. However, in the Igbo tribe, the cultural commitment is called a traditional WEDDING. I've talked about the steps in planning one of these ceremonies for each tribe in previous posts
here and
here.
Neither is legally binding in the U.S. (or anywhere for that matter), but is a way to pay tribute to the ancestors and culture.
There are some that, regardless of culture, will always call it an engagement because it is not in the way of God, therefore, it isn't a binding of 2 people.
Personally, I've always called the process a traditional engagement (although I'm Igbo) because in my eyes, it's just a party that publicly expresses the intent of the young man. The white wedding has always been more important to me because I've been immersed in a culture (American) that believes that. Unfortunately, that view wasn't taken very well by my parents.
I never knew how traditional my parents were until I became engaged. I've always thought my parents would never be that interested in all of the little details in regards to what I've described for a traditional engagement before. Although we attended Nigerian parties growing up, Igbo culture wasn't something that was impressed upon us. So when I got engaged, I simply thought my parents would just want to throw the party and be done with it. Much to my surprise AND dismay, it became one debate after another about "how we must" do things according to tradition. I eventually resigned myself to allow them to plan EVERY aspect of it right down to the clothes I wore. The only thing that I did was the
invites which was a debate as well.
Don't get me wrong, I completely understand that this event was more for them than it was for me or my fiance. There's nothing wrong with tradition, but those that enforce tradition should always enforce it. Not pick and choose what aspects of tradition should be enforced just because it would benefit them.Some would even say that by speaking out about this, I'm being ungrateful but I have to disagree. I do believe that the process could have been more respectful. There's a difference in making requests and being insulting.
Anyways, you won't be able to really tell in the pictures, but we pretty much did the exact process that I've described in the Igbo traditional engagement post. I wish I had more pictures than what I can show you but as I stated, I didn't plan any aspect of this which includes the photographer (or lack there of). I enjoyed the party as best as I could that evening and am looking forward to my white wedding in October.
These girls did Aso-ebi for me when I walked in. There's one girl missing and I'm not exactly sure why.
My mother is a part of the Queens' school alumni association and was danced in with some of the alumni members. My mother is the person in the white/silver outfit.
This is when I was introduced into the ceremony. I danced in with the girls who did Aso-ebi for me.
This is when my father handed me the "cup" that I would use to serve my fiance when I found him in the crowd. Unfortunately, I don't have any pictures of me serving him the drink.
This picture was taken after I found him in the crowd.
I was greeted by his uncle and aunt who represented his parents as his parents couldn't attend.
To show appreciation to my family, his family brought these HUGE fruit baskets in addition to other gifts they had given previously.
This was the dance group that danced while my fiance and I went to change clothes for our re-introduction.
And....we re-enter as "husband and wife"
This is what the aso-ebi girls wore during the re-entrance.
The last picture of us that evening.
So, there's my recap of my traditional engagement. Comments??
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