Wedding Video - Neria and Olumide

Videography by Del Rio Wedding Films

Neria & Olumide Highlight Video from Omar Lemus on Vimeo.

Is This My Dress?

*Sorry for the lack of pictures in this post*
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There are many people who can't seem to find what they're envisioning out there in the world.

Those people tend to be perfectionists.

Fortunately and unfortunately, I am one of those people. When I started my journey of finding the perfect dress for me, I was interested in having a variety of elements included in my dress. As I continued to try on more and more dresses, I was finding that there wasn't a dress that included ALL of those elements.

I wanted a dress that was a mermaid fit that included ruching in the bodice, ruffles, and lace. I was always open to something different because you never know what's going to look good until it's staring you in the face. After awhile, the recommendation of having a custom made dress was suggested to me.

I'd never thought about doing that before, but it definitely became a stronger possibility as I wasn't finding anything that I liked.

I found that if I went this route, it would probably be more cost efficient and I'd still get what I want but it could also turn out to be a disaster if the person messed up.

What do you think? Do you think that this is the route I took to get my wedding dress?

Music Monday: PSquare - Do Me

The first time I heard this song, I was on vacation in Key West with some good friends of mine, and I randomly heard one of my friends playing it on their laptop. When they told me it was PSquare, I was surprised, but not shocked. PSquare's tunes are usually quite infectious and this song is no exception. Enjoy!!!

Look For Less - Lazaro/Symphony Bridal

Lazaro's bridal line is part of the JLM Couture conglomerate. The dresses by Lazaro are luxurious and grand feeling. For those who can afford it (not me......), they're worth it!

If this were the dress that I wanted for myself, it would be quite easy for me to choose the Look for Less because it looks EXACTLY the same.

Lazaro 3607 = ~$5,000



Symphony Bridal S2600 = ~$1,300

Wedding - Nneka and Nwaji

Nneka and Nwaji are a beautiful couple that had a beautiful wedding. One thing I noticed about this wedding that you rarely get with West African weddings is the simplicity of the event. Sometimes, you get more when it's just plain simple. Enjoy!!!

Photography by Alakija & Co Photography

If you'd like to see more photos from this wedding, click here.

Traditional Engagement - Kalabari Style

Although there are 3 main tribes in Nigeria, there are approximately 371 tribes that are smaller and less known throughout the country. Although some of the smaller tribes subscribe to the customs of one of the 3 bigger tribes, some stick to whatever custom has been developed.

Although I'm planning my white (American style) wedding, I'm also in the midst of preparing my traditional engagement ceremony which will be months apart from the white wedding. Traditionally, in the Igbo culture, the bride's parents completely plan and host the traditional engagement, which is what is happening in my case. Had it been up to me, I (nor my FI) wouldn't be doing all that is involved with getting to the traditional engagement, but I digress.

In the months leading up to my traditional engagement, which will be held in the next few months, I will be posting more articles in reference to other tribes traditional engagement. I've talked about the traditional engagements of the Igbo and Yoruba tribe, but now, I'll be posting articles about some of the smaller tribes.

I hope it gives you some insight!

Original article from www.namywedding.com

Kalabari, an Eastern Ijaw group in Rivers State, Nigeria are spread over several islands in the delta of the Niger River. Critical to their involvement in the internal and overseas trades was the canoe house system. The canoe house (Warri) was the most characteristic political and social institution of the Eastern Niger Delta states in the eighteenth and nineteenth centuries. The canoe house was made up of a man and his extended family members, trading assistants, slaves, and servants. Because of the need to maintain an adequate labor supply for their burgeoning trade and because the definition of wealth was the number of persons in a canoe house, leaders of the houses absorbed a great number of non-Kalabari into their houses. Every member who was not born Kalabari was carefully assimilated.

Traditional marriages in Kalabari society occur in three forms: Iya, Igwa, and Waribiobesime. Iya is the most lawful and highest form of Kalabari marriages and that’s what we will be dwelling on.

The Iya marriage – In this marriage, divorce is not permitted and the offspring belong to the man's house. In Igwa (a lesser form of marriage than the Iya), the children belong to the woman's house and divorce is permitted. While an Igwa marriage can be converted into Iya, the reverse is not permissible. Waribiobesime is the marriage between members of the same house who are not blood relations.

Much as men regard the chieftaincy title as the crowning glory of a Kalabari man's achievement, their female counterparts consider the Iya marriage the apex of a woman's success - moreso if she is an Iya-marriage wife of a chief.

Apart from child bearing and rearing, Iya women are practically idle and carry themselves with a great deal of pride, behaving like the aristocratic ladies of Victorian England. They exercise a lot of influence in their husbands’ houses, controlling servants, adopted children, and lesser wives of their husbands. They occupy an acknowledged superior position in the society, conferred on them by their husbands’ wealth and their conspicuous idleness. In a society where everybody has to work much distinction is gained by conspicuous idleness, which is evidence of leisure.

*The picture above is the way the children are adorned for weddings or festivals*

An Iya marriage is not complete until the bibife ceremony (literally "buying of mouth") is undertaken. Bibife signifies three things. First, it signifies a stage in a lawful or full marriage which gives the bride the right to eat in the husband's house.

In the traditional Kalabari towns, a wife for whom the bibife has not been done can cook for her husband, but will have to take her meals and snacks to her parent’s house or a house other than her husband's or his relatives to eat. Second, bibife signifies the man's responsibility towards the wife and his capability and willingness to feed her for the rest of her life. Finally, it signifies and crowns the new communion between the two families.

The bibife ceremony involves serving the bride with innumerable courses of food. At the appointed time, usually in the evening, the bride is taken to the bridegroom's home and presented with different varieties of food. She is given the choice to taste and even eat them, after a member of her family has examined the foods and certified that they have all been well prepared and contain all the right ingredients.

To dramatize the fact that she has a choice to eat from all bowls of food placed before her, she will be given water to wash her mouth, next she is given water, soap and a hand towel to wash and clean her hands. Then a woman from her family takes items from each bowl and enticingly presents them to her to eat. The bride turns her face away from the direction of the enticing food. This offer and refusal ritual is repeated several times. On each occasion, the bride refuses the offer because she knows that the whole set of food belongs to her and the man who ordered their preparation is her husband. She equally knows that the choice to taste and eat is a counterfoil choice. She has the man, his wealth, and his promise to feed her for life, and she must bring off this success without any appearance of concern. She must carry herself with grace and style, self-control, restraint and dignity. Part of the aristocratic idea is nonchalance in the face of a test and "knowing oneself" (bu’nimi).

The aroma of the foods and the incessant prodding to eat must be distracting to the bride, but all through the ceremony she maintains her sense of balance, dignity and self-control in order not to fall for the food, not to grab what is already hers.

As much as bibife is "distracting," it does not compare with the "distraction and drama" of parading the bride to the bridegroom's home. It is quite a spectacle to watch a Kalabari bride being escorted to the bridegroom's place. In the early hours of the evening, she is gorgeously dressed and taken to her groom's house with a gas lamp and many praise songs. During the ceremony there will be an open dance floor and dancers who exhibit high performance can be recognized by having money put on them by their admirers. Notes are the only effective mechanism to participate in this activity so it is typical for guests to obtain lower denomination of naira notes in order to keep costs under control! The money is usually placed on the forehead of the dancer while they are dancing and they will pick the money up themselves or will have delegated people pick up the money for them.

Women supporters escorting her make jokes and do everything to make her laugh. Single men who are watching from the sides as she is being paraded hurl insults and scoff at her. Some of them say they had slept with her and she is no good. They do not mean all that they say, the insults are all part of the fun of the evening designed to make her laugh or lose her temper. All through the evening, jeering, singing and praises, she keeps a tight upper lip. Although, she has the option to laugh or frown, it is not exercisable. Laughing, frowning, and verbal responses are only the counterfoil to the real choice of keeping a tight upper lip. Self-control, dignity, decorum and nonchalance are what are expected of a Kalabari woman in this counterfoil choice situation.

Before this fateful evening, during the period of courtship, the woman would also have been faced with several instances of counterfoil choice. When a Kalabari woman visits her prospective parents-in-law, she will be offered food and advised to eat. The proper thing for her to do is to reject the food and ask for water to drink. When the bibife ceremony has not been done, it is considered a serious breach of etiquette for a bride to eat in her prospective parents-in-law's house.

Aso-Ebi Outfit of the Week

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Music Monday: Freewindz - That's the Way

I first heard about Freewindz when I went to Nigeria back in 2008. My cousin happened to be dating one of the members at the time, so we were able to go to any and all events where they were performing.

I REALLY liked this song, even if it is a little cheesy to some, I still enjoy it thoroughly and hope you do too!!

Aso-Ebi Outfit of the Week

Yes.....I know......

I've been REALLY slacking on my Aso-Ebi Outfit of the Week series. I humbly apologize and hope you can forgive.

What do you think of the outfit today? Personally, I LOVE ruffles.

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